NASCAR Falls Well Short of Legitimacy

 

  NASCAR is not a sport. It never has been and it probably never will be. It is a glorified version of what I can do at Adventureland every Friday night of the summer. Yet somehow, millions of people enjoy this mind numbing drudge, and it is thus misclassified as a sport.

  First, just look at the definition of a Sport: n. 1.- Any recreational activity; specifically, a game, competition, etc. requiring bodily exertion.

  This ends the all discussion. Driving is not a physical activity and anyone who says it is should have his head examined.

  Granted these people drive at close two hundred miles per hour but is that really a feat granted the “cars” they drive. The cars are meant to go fast, built to perfection by engineers, who get zero credit. So when the cars actually do I am not shocked.

  Another thing that has me truly perplexed is how people can sit in the stands for hours and watch a car go in a freaking circle. No right turns, only slight banks to the left, over and over again. A person could fall asleep for two hours, wake up and be watching the same exact thing as when he went to sleep. Imagine trying to do that while watching a football or basketball game. You’d would miss almost everything!

  It is not like the drivers constantly pass each other and there is a constant ebb and flow of racecars. Typically, one guy takes the lead and usually holds it for roughly a year and a half before someone decides to try to pass him and the new racer will then probably retain the lead until the end. Once he wins, he celebrates like he won the lottery and then drinks some milk. Hardly sounds like the way how I want to spend the entirety of my Sunday afternoon.

  And if this is supposed to be a real sport I think that we would be forced to call these overpaid drivers athletes. I don’t know about you but I usually admire athletes for their physique and amazing physical prowess. This being said go home and Google image to find a picture of Tony Stewart. He looks like a fatter version of Meatloaf. And there is absolutely no doubt that he would struggle to run around the track more than once. Actually that’s something I might pay to watch.

  Now NASCAR may not be is a lost cause if this so called sport, were to implement a few of the following suggestions.

   First, no more pit crew. They make things far too easy on theses “expert drivers.” If the car needs new front tires the drivers should be able to require the revelation to be shouted in his ear. When they get into the pits and get out of their cars, they should change their own tires and fill their own gas, like everyone else has to. This would make pit stops less frequent, more tactical, and quite comical.

  Next, I think there needs to be far more road courses on the NASCAR Nextel Cup circuit. There are only two road course stops for the Nextel Cup in the upcoming season, while the other 36 others are ovals. Road courses actually require left AND right hand turns. These races are much more interesting to the casual fan and undoubtedly require more racing skill.

  Finally, and perhaps more importantly, the races need to be shorter. Anyone with an IQ above 100 can not sit and watch an entire race. Nothing could possibly be more boring. I would rather watch a four hour clip of Rebels field hockey highlights than watch an entire race. By shortening the race it would require drivers to make moves earlier in the race, which would result in more action.

NASCAR a sport? Absolutely not. But perhaps there’s hope.